Seriously. Welcome to Happily Ever After, Rosaline.
You live in a united and prosperous Verona. And you don’t have to hang out with people who get married within hours of meeting.
You won the freaking Shakespeare tragedy lottery.
p.s. I hear that Paris guy ain’t half bad. Oh, he’s dead, too? YEAH MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS THEN.
Clearly the only man in that play for me is Mercutio. Oh, he’s dead, too?